The Many Faces of Chicago Men, Part I

I recently viewed Pemco Insurance's website (werealotlikeyou.com)the other day because their latest campaign is in the national spotlight--and only Pacific Northwesterner's would really get it (hence the reason I checked it out). The campaign started before I moved to Chicago and most of it appeared on wrapped buses, detailing the stereotypical insurer of the Northwest, "The Recumbent Bike Commuter", "The Highway Roadside Chainsaw Carving Artist", etc. This got me thinking--I've been in Chicago nearly two months and it's about time to provide in detail the stereotypical men of Chicago, because there's a lot of them! Here is the first of three parts:

THE DOUCHEBAG
Sometimes known as a "Chad" to compliment a "Trixie". I must say that Chicagoans are not light on their usage of the wordS douchebag, douche-y, douchebaggery, etc. It almost seems like there are more here than any other city in the US. Perhaps to some people, say the Hipster, but we'll get to that later.

Unlike "Chads" who are mythical creatures residing mostly in Lincoln Park, Douchebags are found anywhere, most likely working a day job in the Loop.

Standard "DB" daytime dress includes a suit, tie, dress shirt that is later worn to bar of choice (untucked of course, probably paisley too), and often times brown dress shoes (ewwwww). The DB will talk on his cell phone during his entire commute on the el, particularly Mondays when he'll tell all his 'bros' about the chick he nailed last Saturday from the Lion's Head.

The douchebag will never look a bespectacled woman in the eye, and if in Boystown plays up his homophobia: "Dude! That guy is such a fag!"
No, no dear douchebag, not every guy in Boystown is gay--you just spotted a straight, yuppie married guy who has a mortgage in Boystown because the housing prices are good.

THE CUBS FAN
Commonly seen anywhere in my opinion. Wtf is all the hype anyway, THEY ALWAYS LOSE!

The Cubs fan is sometimes friends with a Douchebag(s), or is sometimes (quite often)both a douchebag and a Cubs fan.

Common daytime apparel outside of work is the requisite Cubs red/blue hat (worn backwards), jacket, t-shirt, and/or hoodie.

Behavior is obnoxious bordering on so annoying you want to slap them silly. When drunk and displaced outside Wrigleyville (say for instance 6 blocks SE in the planter outside your apartment building) an accent is pronounced. Example, "I fuckin' hate those sax" translating to "I fucking hate those [white] sox."

The Cubs Fan doesn't have an "adult" drinking palate, choosing Budweiser, Pabst, etc. over microbrews and $2 you-call-its over any sophisticated cocktail.

The Cubs Fan lives, breathes, and dies a Cub Fan much like a Red Sox fan. If you meet one, don't linger too long--your presence will only constitute half the year.

There are still more exciting stereotypes to come. Please come back and view the next weeks' installment :)